Like many Utahns, I have been following the news on Hurricane Harvey. I have been stunned by the pictures of flood waters up to traffic lights and second stories and I have been heartened by the outpouring of tangible support coming from Utah.
We have seen many touching stories of people helping people, from Sandra Bullock donating $1 million to the Utah Republican and Democratic parties coming together to send water, diapers and toilet paper to Houston to the image of volunteers carrying a 91-year old man down the stairs to a boat waiting in his living room. It’s all needed and it’s all wonderful.
It won’t be long, however, until the sun is out, the waters recede and the work of putting lives back together begins. Volunteers go home and life starts to go back to normal — except that it often doesn’t “go back” the same way. As families recover from Hurricane Harvey, there won’t be as much media coverage about the emotional toll the hurricane has exacted and there won’t be conveys of volunteers coming to aid in post-traumatic emotional processing but the needs are just as real.
The good news is, most of us are pretty resilient and over time, will get comfortable in a “new normal.” But, it’s not immediate and that’s OK. According to the American Psychological Association, it is common for people to feel “stunned, disoriented and unable to integrate distressing information” at the time of the disaster. Once those feelings of shock begin to subside, other responses begin to surface. They can include intense or unpredictable feelings, including grief. Being grateful to be alive doesn’t negate grief at what was lost.
Survivors can also experience changes in sleeping and eating patterns, sensitivity to outside factors, like sirens, or thunder and lightening triggering an intense fear response and moodiness and irritability towards family, friends and co-workers, especially those who expect them to be “over it” before they are ready.
I know first-hand that conflicting emotions can also co-exist. Gratitude and grief, relief and rage, faith and fear. Twelve and a half years ago, we had a significant house fire that left us homeless. No one was injured (gratitude) but we lost irreplaceable family treasures (grief). To this day, I have pangs of sadness remembering some of the tangible items we no longer have — the matching dresses I sewed for our daughters, the Halloween costume I sewed for my daughter who had passed away and our entire food storage. Painful. I know they were just “things” but they were things with meaning for us.
If you know someone living through Harvey, reach out and be a friend not just today but next week, next month and next year. If you don’t know anyone personally affected by Harvey, chances are really good that you know someone who has had their own personal disaster. They can use your support, too.
Be pro-active in reaching out — chances are pretty good they will not be reaching out themselves. Be a listening ear, validate their feelings, go with them on a walk, provide some healthy meals — all of those and many other things will help ease their emotional recovery.
Of course, there is a caveat: If you notice persistent feelings of distress or hopelessness in you or a loved one, have trouble functioning at work and home, or are having more and more trouble connecting and relating to others, consult with a mental health professional.
Harvey has shown us our humanity and compassion again but the needs won’t end once the water is gone. Let’s keep it going.
Holly Richardson is grateful there are so many good people in the world.