I love fall. It’s my favorite time of year, followed by spring. One of the things I love about both seasons is LDS General Conference. I love the women’s session (although I feel a little cheated it does not last two hours) and I love the first Saturday and Sunday of October when we have 8-10 more hours of instruction, comfort and hope from our leaders.
I also know that there are some who feel towards General Conference like some do about Mother’s Day - a bit of dread and pain. I want you to know, I see you. I hear you. And so do many others.
Let me be frank for a minute. There is a disparity between LDS doctrine and LDS culture. There are many who see that and who would like to see the culture match the doctrine in word and deed. For example, there are members who do not feel it is a conflict to be both a strong, opinionated woman and a strong, active member of the LDS church. I am one of them. My husband is one of them. Certainly there are leaders of the LDS church who believe that and there seem to be some who might not yet have caught that vision.
I know that there are people staying in the LDS church not because they don’t have questions, but in spite of them. There are people staying in the LDS church not because they don’t see inequity or faulty cultural practices but they stay in spite of it. They are choosing faith but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Imagine the faith it takes to sort through the mixed messages we sometimes receive. From the pulpit at the conference center, we hear that women are equal in worth and value but if or when women speak up about inequities and ask for even the smallest of changes, their faith and worthiness are often challenged. How easy would it be, for example, to create and sell frame-able pictures of the women-led presidencies and put them in Relief Society, Young Women’s and Primary rooms around the world? Or how about simply calling them “President” instead of “Sister” when they are indeed the president of an organization? Small and simple things….
Many of us - maybe even most of us - feel at times we “don’t fit in.” President Sharon Eubank, first counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency and director of LDS Charities, talked about not fitting in when she spoke at the BYU Women’s Conference in April 2017. While her remarks were specifically tailored for women, they apply to all: “Relief Society is exactly the place for all of us who don’t fit in” and then she expounds on who does fit: “people with disabilities, recovering addicts, new in the Church, old pioneer stock, American, Syrian, Chilean, Samoan, working, home with kids, wishing to have a job, poor, rich, in debt, happy, depressed, bipolar, autistic, serving others, being served, liberal, conservative, don’t care, immigrant, gay, converted, and unconverted. The question is: Can we open up the circle of sisterhood to many more kinds of backgrounds and see those backgrounds as valuable instead of as handicaps?”
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in October 2013 spoke of unanswered questions and the mistakes of imperfect people:
“Some struggle with unanswered questions about things that have been done or said in the past. We openly acknowledge that in nearly 200 years of Church history — along with an uninterrupted line of inspired, honorable, and divine events — there have been some things said and done that could cause people to question.
“Sometimes questions arise because we simply don’t have all the information and we just need a bit more patience. When the entire truth is eventually known, things that didn’t make sense to us before will be resolved to our satisfaction…
“And, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine.”
For those of you in positions of leadership, please be sensitive and aware. Mourn with those who mourn because they see inequities. Comfort those who stand in need of comfort because they have been victimized by erroneous cultural practices. Avoid the easy pitfall of assuming it’s a lack of faith that leads to questions. The concerns are real, the heartache is real and the consequences are real. Losing any member is a tragedy, but it’s a compounded one when you lose the women of the church. When they leave, they take their children with them and those results are felt for generations.
For those of you approaching General Conference with some sense of dread and sorrow in your hearts, may you feel the peace that passeth all understanding and feel the Balm of Gilead for your soul. You are loved. You are welcomed. You are needed. There is a place for you here.
Holly Richardson, a Salt Lake Tribune columnist, looks forward to filling her well this weekend.