Dear Ann Cannon • I have a good friend, an ex-Mormon, who constantly wants to talk about her problems with the LDS Church. I am willing to acknowledge them, but frankly I am tired of talking about Mormonism/dom and its flaws to the exclusion of everything else. I believe she’s just waiting for me to see the light and join her, but I’m not interested. What should I do?
— Worn Out
Dear Worn Out • Leaving a faith community can create a lot of noise — for those who exit and for those they leave behind. Furthermore, most people crave validation for their decision to stay or to go. That’s normal. It’s just that some people really, really, REALLY crave validation. And they want that validation for a really, really, REALLY long time. So what does validation look like to them? Agreement. Compliance. Signing on for their point of view. You know — the same things your friend wants from you right now.
What should you do? At the risk of sounding like a broken record here, it’s your call. But first, here are some things to think about. How much do you value this friendship? How crucial is it to you? If your answers are a) “a lot” and b) “very,” then you should be frank with your friend. Tell her that you support her decision to leave the fold and that, in return, you would like her to respect your decision to stay.
If your friendship is a casual one, consider stepping away for a little while. Maybe time will help her give this issue a rest.
Here’s another possibility: Perhaps you’ve both outgrown the relationship. Some friendships have a natural expiration date because they were formed under very specific circumstances. If this is the case, honor the good things about the friendship and move on. Good luck!
Dear Ann Cannon • Ever since he started playing baseball this spring, my 9-year-old son has taken up spitting. I’ve told him to knock it off — it’s a disgusting habit — but still he persists. Any suggestions?
— Mortified Mom
Dear Mortified • A friend of mine told me she can’t stand to watch baseball on TV because of all the spitting. “Why is there so much spitting in baseball?” she asked. I didn’t answer because I knew it was just a rhetorical question, but yes. There’s a lot of spitting in baseball.
Here’s what I recommend where your son is concerned. Instead of forbidding him to spit in general, ask him not to a) spit in the house and b) spit in front of you. Otherwise, let him have at it. Pick another battle to fight with your son. Trust me. There will be plenty.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch. …
Last week we heard from a reader whose wife has bad breath. This week I heard from a wife whose husband also has bad breath in spite of his excellent dental hygiene and visits to the dentist and the doctor. Clearly, this is a growing problem with spouses in America today, people! The good news is that this reader offers yet another solution. I share part of her email with her permission.
Dear Ann Cannon • I read your column about the man whose wife has bad breath. My husband also had/has that problem. We couldn’t help but tell him since he’s in the sales business, and we couldn’t stand it either. YIKES! His breath smelled like dog poop. The problem went on for a long time until my research paid off. If I’m not mistaken, it was an answer I saw from Dr. Andrew Weil to a person online. He said to try a saline rinse up your nose three times a day. Well … this works for my husband.
I’m sure this is really more than you ever wanted to know about bad breath, BUT if I can help even one person who has this problem, then I can stand writing this and you can stand reading this! Maybe you can pass this on to the fellow whose wife has bad breath. (I’m not sure how he is going to explain to her that he told all of Utah about her bad breath, though!!)
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